[Looks like marriage is in the air. For more info on what the heck is going on here, click here.] The modern church has plenty of embarrassing historical specters hanging around, but few haunt it the way polygamy does. The church has tried to distance itself from the practice in
For the remainder of the hour, Elder Fowler and I wound Buddy Van Rijk in an increasingly constrictive net of dogma, woven from strands—even by Christian standards—of ever more tenuous logic. It was the type of snare that can only constrain a willing captive; one misstatement on our
I just received one of the nicest compliments I've had lately. One of the departing employees, whom I may not see again in an office setting, told me: "You know, out of all the people in this department, if I had to pick the one that was
Halsted's entry about the SAG commercial actors' strike reminds me of an incident from my past that used to be part of my memoir but is one of those bits that has ended up on the cutting-room floor—not because it was a bad bit of writing,
I knew this was going to happen, but that doesn't make it any less aggravating now that it has. See, as part of this Mormon missionary memoir of mine, I've divulged secrets of the Mormon temple ceremony that I'm not supposed to talk about.
Most writers, if asked what questions they field most frequently, will answer with something along the lines of "Where do you get your ideas?" or "What are your work habits?" Not so for me. The questions I get most often, at least from visitors to my
previous: Hymn #5: The Tracting Song You wanna sing something really scary . . . .? This one’s a parody I wrote myself back in my missionary days, though it’s not quite as incisive as Brother Smith’s efforts. Sung to the tune of Michael Jackson's “Thriller” It’s close
previous: Hymn #4: The Famous Dr. Hugh Something for the elders to hum as they march across the world in the lockstep of righteousness . . . Sung to the tune of “The Caisson Song” Grab your whites, put them on, Read your fiancée’s Dear John, As the elders go tracting along.
previous: Hymn #3: Those Were the Days Brother Smith writes: “I’ve never heard the redoubtable Dr. Hugh Nibley speak, but I always picture him with a deep, rumbling bass voice . . . sorta like a beloved TV character . . .” Sung to the tune of the “Mr. Ed” theme Oh, a horse is
previous: Hymn #2: Come Join the One True Church Brother Smith was commissioned to write the following theme song for the pilot of the failed television sitcom “All in the L.D.S. Family.” Fortunately for us, the lyrics have survived. Sung to the tune of the “All in the
previous: Hymn #1: Give Up the Rod Brother Smith writes: "I've been working on a few other parodies, of which I offer one here. It's a possible door approach for musically inclined elders." Sung to the tune of “Cabaret” Fed up with watching football
previous: Overture Here we present the hymn wherein Smith’s parodic brilliance first made itself manifest. It concerned an exchange with a “conserned” reader in Voices from the Dust. Sung to the tune of “The Iron Rod” (a.k.a. “To Nephi, Seer of Olden Time”) To William Shunn, the
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