Be it hereby known to all peoples, species, and intelligences that upon the morrow I do ascend to my rightful seat as monarch and ruler of Ireland's Sensible Castle, and do take upon me the moniker of King William the Irritable.

Be it also known that my coronation shall take place at exactly 10:57 am EDT (9:57 am CDT), after which time I shall issue three royal decrees of utmost urgency and aptness, one per minute, decrees which my subjects-to-be disregard at their peril.

Be it further known that after three glorious minutes shall my work as monarch be complete, and at precisely 11:00 am EDT (10:00 am CDT) shall I humbly abdicate my throne, stepping aside to permit another to rule Sensible Castle in my stead.

Be it finally and forever known that all and sundry are encouraged to observe and bear witness to my deathless yet brief reign at whoisthekingrightnow.com, at which site shall my royal decrees be made known and propagated around the globe.

All hail King William the Irritable. Er, tomorrow morning. Ahem.